literature

The best or worst Mary-Sue ever

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Literature Text

Goal, make a character who scores as a Mary Sue but is not.
Character: Ffion (name pending!)

[x] They are possessed by an angel   ((Yeah, a fallen one!))
[x] They are possessed by a demon   ((As is common for vampires))
[x] They are a werewolf/vampire/faerie  ((A vampire))
[x] They are physically strong  ((Common for vampires))
[x] They have a rare hair/fur colour   ((Silver; vampire))
[x] Their eyes are an unusual colour   ((Red; vampire))
[x] This happens to be red   ((Because she's a vampire))
[x] Their eyes change colour    ((Only red in vamp mode//during the night))
[x] They have wings    ((Spiritual ones, while in the underworld))
[x] They can grow extra body parts/shapeshift   ((Yeah, into a bat.))
[x] They are immortal  ((Again, vampire.))
[x] (if a female) they have large bra size   ((No point in being a vamp if you can't seduce people.))
[ ] (if a male) they are very muscular
[x] They are telekinetic/pyrokinetic/etc   ((Pyrokinetic, sure, what not.))
[x] They have sixth sense/can mind-read/etc  ((Associated with vampirism.))
[x] They have an object of some sort that gives them powers  ((A vial with the blood of her sire.))
[ ] They have a special ability/power, but they don't know about it yet
[x] They were bestowed/cursed with these powers  ((Uh, yeah.))
[x] They are a healer   ((To other vampires.))
[x] They are from a very rich/royal family  ((I dunno, sure.))
[ ] They don't know that they are from a very rich/royal background
[x] They have lost one/both of their parents   ((And inherited all their money, I guess.))
[x] They ran away from home   ((Before the parents died.))
[ ] Their parents (if still alive) are cruel, uncaring, abusive etc.
[x] They witnessed one/both of their parent's death   ((By her sire, no less!))
[ ] They are part angel/demon/faerie/some other mythical creature
[ ] They never knew their parents
[x] They were abused/spoiled as a child   ((Spoiled, I'm sure.))
[x] They are very attractive to the opposite gender (or the same gender, depending.) ((Vampire, duh.))
[x] They have lots of friends/no friends
[ ] They are emo/cutesy
[x] They look much younger/older than they really are   ((Eventually she will.))
[x] They are currently in a relationship   ((Yeah kinda? I dunno.))
[ ] They have lots of morals and state them a fair bit for example:  'I would rather be with my friends than with my boyfriend/girlfriend'  'Nothing matters more to me than my friends/family'  'I wouldn't hesitate to die in place of a friend' etc.  It's fine if your OC has these beliefs/values, but if they constantly say them out loud/preach them to others, then we have a problem.
[ ] They have a mental disorder
[ ] They have an emotional disorder
[x] They struggle to stay sane  ((or be taken over by that demon))
[ ] They are a psycho
[x] They have multiple personalities   ((That demon counts.))
[x] They are very intelligent
[x] They have hallucinations   ((Demonic ones!))
[x] They can summon spirits/demons/angels etc.   ((How about... fallen angels?))
[x] They have an unusual/unrealistic pet   ((I'll think of something. She's rich, she can have anything.))
[x] They have a guardian spirit (or something similar)  ((Guardian demon?))
[x] They have a 'special type' of soul   ((The perfect kind for demons to inhabit!))
[ ] Their soul is not the same as them (a human with an animal soul, etc)
[x] They can talk to spirits/ghosts   ((I guess?))
[x] Some part of their body glows   ((Sure. Um... her blood! Yeah.))
[x] They have a rare/unusual name   ((Haven't decided one yet, but I'll make it weird. Her parents were eclectic.))
[x] They were born on an important date, such as New Year's Eve, Midsummers Night,  The Winter Solstace etc.  ((Sure.))
[x] They have a twin/sibling that they were separated from at birth ((Getting tired of cliches, but I'll make it happen.))
[x] They are connected with a certain element  ((Shit, uh, fire? Yeah, with that pyrokinesis and all.))
[ ] They are connected with a certain animal (ignore this if your OC is a furry/anthro)
[ ] They always dress like a certain 'label' (emo, scene, etc)
[x] They look quite a bit like a character from a popular anime/manga  ((I imagine so, she's a freakin' vampire.))
[ ] They are a race/species that is discriminated against/misunderstood
[x] They have a certain power that is misunderstood/feared   ((By humans, sure.))
[x] They live/lived on the streets at some point in their lives  ((Ok, whatever.))
[x] They are hiding from someone/something   ((That makes sense.))
[x] They have a rare blood type    ((Hurrrr.))
[x] They cry blood   ((Oh yes. It's the one thing that sucks about her as a vamp.))
[x] Certain noises/smells/situations/etc make their powers activate/give them a nervous breakdown   ((Freakin blood?!))
[x] They are from a different country to where they live (an English person living in Japan etc)  ((Sure.))
[ ] They are very mysterious/dark
[ ] They are very lively/happy
[x] Their mood changes a lot/very quickly  ((Her circumstances change a lot.))
[ ] They are very patient
[ ] They are from a long line of (insert profession/power here)
[x] They have a piece of jewelry/clothing that they always wear   ((Vial of sire's blood.))
[ ] They have amnesia
[ ] They have some sort of permanent medical condition   ((I'm gonna say vampirism doesn't count.))
[x] The have a curse upon them    ((Blah something demon something blah vampire))
[x] They are involved in some sort of prophecy   ((Blah something whatever I said last time))
[ ] They are 'the chosen one'
[ ] They have insomnia

Total so far: 52, hot damn!

Point Reductions

Take points off your OCs overall score if they fit any of the following statements:

[ ] They smoke (tobacco)
[ ] They are an alcoholic
[ ] They are overweight
[ ] They are addicted to drugs (Heroin, Cocaine, LSD, etc)
[ ] They have a short temper
[ ] They enjoy bullying others
[ ] They do not care much about others
[ ] They are emotionless

Total: 52 Mary-Sue-licious points!

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Now, you should have an overall score for your OC.

<5 -Anti-Sue
Your character may be a bit on the boring side.  Of course, this does depend, but generally if they are scoring that low, it wouldn't hurt to 'spice them up' a bit ^^

6-15 -Balanced Character
If your OC scored around here, then they are probably quite a well-balanced and interesting character.  Those scoring in the higher end of this category may be a bit too much though.

16-25 -Borderline Mary-Sue
We have a problem.  You need to tone your character down.  They are most likely a bit annoying to others, too.

26< -Mary-Sue
Oh dear.  Do I really need to comment on this?

NOW FOR THE STORY!
Ok, here's her story. The (supposed) only-child of a rich couple. Her father is a very successful merchant who sells to kings around the world. She grew up getting damn near anything she wanted, but she wasn't rabid about it. No need to be, when there is never a question about getting what you want.
She got bored and restless with her too-perfect life of constantly moving to a new mansion in a new country every couple of months, so she ran away one day and joined the locally-touring extremely-shady circus. Nobody paid any attention to her until she was noticed by one of the few people there who had actual powers. He saw that she had a dormant ability, probably based on the ideal circumstances of her birth (position of stars, date of birth, etc) and the fact that she'd traveled so much, and he taught her pyrokenesis.
She started to perform in the circus, and one night some handsome asshole vampire who was in the crowd noticed that her power was not just a stage trick and decided that he'd feast on her (because of her exceptional blood, related to her power). Of course, this delicious blood is also the perfect blood for accepting vampirism. When he attacks her, she fights back and bites him, ingesting some of his blood before he flees.
Soon, she makes the transformation into a vampire. As if that wasn't enough of a shock, she finds that her new vampirism comes with an attached demon buddy (really a fallen angel) who now possesses her. However, he can't do anything unless she is compromised somehow so he just sits in the back of her minds and talks at her. She runs away from the circus and lives on the streets in this unfamiliar town for a while before she meets another vampire one night who is is wounded. She feeds him some of her blood, which is when she realizes that her blood can heal other vamps, and also it glows. The combination of her sire's blood and her 'special' blood has made it super-awesome. The other vamp takes her into the B1 underworld (you know, the physical level before the real underworld) to introduce her to the 'vampire king'. He explains a bunch of shit about being a vampire. Let's go over some of it.
--Every vamp has a demon in the them. Nobody knows where they come from, but the demons want to take over. It is in their nature to do so, and they will do it without hesitation, no matter how well the two of you get along. The goal is to essentially tame and absorb this demon, at which point you will merge and become one powerful being, and will be considered vampire royalty. (Most 'common' vamps still have their demon inside of them, but some have been taken over by the demons. These cannot return to their human forms and rarely leave the underworld.)
--The girl's sire is a well-known vampire, and the 'king's brother who wishes to take over his position. That vampire probably attacked the girl because he sensed her peculiar blood, which was an uncommon blood-type that only .1% of people have, which is extremely nutritious to vamps. If he ingests much of this, he may obtain the power to challenge the king. However, attacking one is risky, because if (as it happened with her) they become a vampire, they will start out at a much higher level, basically, with a higher potential.
--Because this vampire was only a few special-blood meals away from his goal, this girl is really strong.
Anyway, blah blah blah, she realizes he will be going for her parents, and rushes to save them, but is moments too late and witnesses their demise. Then she has to go find her previously unknown separated at birth sister to save her, being the vamp's obvious last target before reaching his goal. The end has a scene of them fighting in the underworld with various bad-assery going on.
Obviously she wins and all is good.
THE END!

Girl's name: Ffion (pale face)  Sister's name: Flaminia (flaming spirit, associated with priesthood)
Names for demon, other vampires, etc: Amadeus, Lazarus, Leviticus, Boredon,
No, I didn't proof-read this piece of crap. :XD:
Honestly though. I'm gonna write this. It's gonna be amazing.

Ffion, Flaminia, and whatever else I decide to name the other characters (c) MEEEE!!! =D
© 2011 - 2024 Eloarei
Comments3
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ErikaNegi's avatar
I have to admit, that it pretty darn awesome.